hi,
I'm so tired today. A friend of mine asked me to accompany him to buy sth for someone. Not gg to mention his and her name or I'll be killed by both, LOL. I got Itco as my lunch before hunting for the gift, and watched Blitz, the bloody movie. I hate this film, swear. I was a victim actually today. They were busy with their own topics and I was like "dicuekin". hiks. Pity me. But.., never mind never mind, just take this as the last good thing I could do for you ok guys. After that, we went to Index to buy "something" for this "someone". I picked, and he paid. Then, we went to Jco and he bought a dozen of doughnuts for my mom (well, not for me, hiks). Lastly, we went to Starbucks, my favorite place and I went home by taxi.
******
By the way, today I met some friends at Sun coincidentally, about five or six. Some of them who didn't know anything were shocked and started to spread the gossip. I really adore them for their mouths are faster than any internet connections in this world. I'm not shocked, not angry, or get annoyed, don't worry. I'm get used to it. Wishing you a very GOOD LUCK with your guessing guys. :D
******
Dear ex,
Let me tell you something today. You must seriously mirror yourself and think twice before you say something. Ask yourself, are you good enough these long? are you better than others or just simply better than me? do you ever be there when I need you? do you ever appreciate everything I gave and did to you? do you ever realize anything? do you ever feel what I feel? do you ever stand for me? do you ever give your time to me more than you give to your friends? do you ever take me out for a date and make me feel like I'm special? do you ever try to put an effort on our relationship? do you ever choose to pick me up at my home rather than to pick your friends from somewhere? do you ever have any inisiative to come to my house and talk to my parents without needing me to force you to do so? do you know how hurt my feeling is knowing that everything I did means nothing to you? do you ever know how hurt it is when my parents compares their pity daughter's love-life to their friend's daughter's love-life and I have nothing to say about this? do you ever know how hard I tried to hold on this stupid-pity relationship before? do you ever know how hard my life is these long? do you know how much tears are falling down from my eyes just bcs of you? do you ever know I am worrying you in every of my time? do you ever know how much I miss you? do you ever know how much I love you? DO YOU EVER??!! You NEVER!! That's the problem. You never care. In the past, you gave me all of your sadness and I would just stupidly listen and try to understand you, your problems, and your family. Did you ever share any happiness to me? You better think and ask yourself.
Your bullshits and fucking promises are enough for me. I don't wanna be the one who cries every night, the one who is worrying you, while you are laughing happily, flirting, and acting like nothing's wrong right there. Boys are boys, and you are just the same. Do you really think I'm that stupid? Crying when you are laughing? Tell you, I'm watching you these long, and I never feel like you are trying to fix anything or at least thinking about us, even just for once. So, is it worth if I'm still missing you, worrying you, loving you? What is it for? Torturing myself and let you ppl laugh at me? Take me as a topic to talk about, telling them how good you are and how bad I am? I'm so sorry, I can't let you and them do that. My life worths more than that.
You don't need to be angry or what for everything I did. It's you, who taught and forced me to be like this. I have told you before, if being good never works, then let me stop being so. I'm enough, I'm tired. Tired of waiting, tired of hoping, tired of crying, tired of everything. Really. Don't say I never give you or us a chance to fix everything up. I did. It's just you who never care. So, what do you want from me now? I have nothing to give anymore. You have taken everything. The only thing I could do now is being another me. I won't care, won't cry, won't fall down, won't think too much, won't torture myself, and won't worry you anm. Go and find your own happiness, that's what you want, right? You too, don't need to worry anything about me and stop acting like you care. You make me sick by your fake actions. I'm alright and happy. That's what you need to know. I seriously won't care with you or your life anm. You are not the one I loved anm, you are succha jerk.
You guys, everyone who talks about me behind. If you read this, please note that YOU ARE NOT ME. Don't try to judge me or guess how I feel. You have no idea. More, do kindly stop acting like you guys know everything about me, you know nothing. And for you, yes you, no matter how hard you try to pull me down or make me sad, I don't care. It's useless. You may hate me, I'm happy if you do so. BUT, if you guys don't know anything about the truth, then
SHUT UP!
Sorry for this post. You guys are messing up with me first. Goodnight.
Veronica
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