Dear, blog

hdyd, mates

my life sucks these days, no, i mean these several months. Person and people changed. I don't understand why some ppl were born with a very lack of understanding. Why is it so hard to understand others? Sometimes I wonder why God gives me this kind of life. I'm just a human, like others. is it too much if I want to be understood and appreciated? is it too much if sometimes I envy other people life bcs some of them are surrounded by lovely people and lovely one? I want, but I'm not forcing, I'm hoping and praying. What's wrong with that? I feel like whatever I did were wrong. I tried to be good these months. really. I learned to stop complaining, stop expecting, stop asking, stop crying, stop begging, stop hoping, and start smiling. The number of my smiles is increasing everyday for you to know. This is not bcs I want to or I'm happy, but this is simply bcs of you. I tried to appreciate everything you did for me, but why you never understand. 

I feel so sad when you prefer to defend others. What have they done for you till you do so? What? Nothing. Then why? You never know how depressed I am when I have no one to tell my problems about.. Even when I told you, you blamed me for no reasons. You really have no idea for this. What you want to know are just your problems, your problems, your problems, your own happiness, the boys and overall, the girls. I don't understand the relation between some of my problems with them. I never did anything bad to anyone, then why should you blame me for that? Aren't you happy enough flirting with them these long yet telling lies to me? Then what else are you asking for??? Is it still me who is wrong? I really don't understand the way you or some ppl think.

Sometimes I feel like you listened to them like a pet listen to its owner. This is rough I know, but please sit and think. Is it right or not. So if someday they asked you to kill me, you will still do that bcs you sacrifice anything for them? and bcs you and them are always right? hm? you are like a stranger for me. you turned into a regular stone. same as others.

All of my efforts these long maybe meaningless for you. I fell stupid sometimes why should I do and give everything to you once. If you tell me earlier, maybe this won't be like this. But the fact is, you never told me so before. Never. You took a chance to mess up everything like this with reason, your family. But frankly, i don't really believe that's your main reason these days. You showed me that these are simply bcs of that fucking boys and bitchy girls you loved. Is that your main point? If yes, then just tell me. I wanna know the truth. Please stop lying. sigh.

I know complaining is not a good way to solve anything. Ok, I'm not complaining, I'm chatting, with my own blog since there was no one I could talk to and I believed in. So, anyone who reads my blog, DO NOT complain about anything. If you dislike, BACK OFF.

Above all, for you, yes you. Don't point at anyone. Please try to understand, I'm just a girl, not a supergirl or wonderwoman. Sometimes, I want to being understood and appreciated.  Just some-times....