I feel so unwell today, actually these days. Last two days, I spent my night at my friend's house, Carissa. Things went pretty well until the next morning. I woke up and smiling like baby because of "I-have-forgotten" dream. I grabbed my phone and straightly checked my bbm, as usual. There was someone who always greets me every morning, every afternoon, every evening, every night, every time. So, I clicked his name and well, it was pretty disappointing bcs it wasn't as what I expected. But, who cares? I was feeling so happy that time. Then, I signed in to Twitter to check if I got mentions or not. There was a name occur on the top of my timeline. I clicked, then again, I got another disappointment for there was a thing I don't expect to see. Frankly, I lost my mood. Then, my mom bbm me. She told me to get ready bcs she was on her way to fetch me. With broken mood and messy condition, i just agreed. That time, I wholly lost my mood. All.
I finished my shower then I checked my bbm again. I got a bbm from well, someone. I was blamed bcs of one of my tweet which expressed my anger that morning. It's just like..WHAT?? Did I do any mistakes? My life has been complicated enough. Really. Although everything seems soo OK, deeply inside, nothing's OK. But well, I can still tolerate everything that went so wrong and tried to fix everything up so AT LEAST, I or either others can have a better life, no noises, less problems, and easier way to face this hard life. I had tried. Tried to tolerate, tried to understand, tried to learn, tried to be better, tried to control my unforgivable moods, tried to act nice, tried everything. Then, I still got blamed? I don't know is it me or what, but for me that was unfair. Logically, I should get a text "Are you ok?" or "What's wrong?" or "Do you need me as a listener?" Well, hmph, far from what I expected.What a good morning, wasn't it? Yes, the bad news is, it lasts till now. deeepppdeeepppsiggghhh.
This morning, again, I've been so rough to some ppl. I talked annoyingly and disgustingly. I didn't mean to do so, very honest. I really wish I could wake up and start a morning with smiles and laughs. No fears, no worries. But another again, not as what I expected. Sometimes I asked my God, where are You? I said prayers everytime before I went to bed. But why? None of them are fulfilled. I am really tired of this, swear. I never asked You to take all my problems, but please, don't give me too much problems, Father. Also, strengthen me and please wake those ppl up. I really wish some of them could really understand and at least appreciate my efforts for them these long. I'm also a girl with sensitive feelings and limited patiences. Rougher you talk to me, rougher I'll talk to you, ppl. I can't share anything belongs or will belong to me soon or later, and I just can't control my anger for this. This is a special exception. And please, don't judge me easily or act like you know everything about me. You know nothing ppl. Again, NOTHING. Sorry for the ppl I talked rough to today. If you ppl read this, please appologize me. I never mean so. I never want to ruin anyone's dreams, life, or future. Never. Bcs of that, please avoid messing up with me and please give a bit understanding. Just that.
This morning I did nothing except of sleeping, bbm-ing, eating, and hoping. yeah I know the last one sounds so weird and stupid. Hoping? for what? For the things that will never happen? But again, who cares. We never know what will happen next. Just, hope yet believe but don't expect too high. In the afternoon, I went to "HOME" with my lovely hairy science teacher, HJ and some more friends. We sang some songs and had some food to eat. I took my cute brother with me, Vilkent. I may say this is the last time I could hang out with HJ's team. Uni life will separate us soon. On my way home, I had some talks with Jojo and Abonk about well, love-life. Just short chat. Mine and Jojo's were 180' degrees from Abonk's. :( Well, skip this. Everything will be good in the time. Cheer up, Vero. XD
Here are some photos of the day:
I arrived home then turned my lappie on and now I am typing this on my blog while waiting for replies on my bbm. Wondering why it takes so long. :/ Anw, I haven't eaten anything for my dinner and I'm seriously starving. Craving for roasted chicken, sighhh. Ok, till here readers. Gg to take my shower and practice singing. I'm gg to give last performance at somewhere some more days forward with my friends, and I hate to say, I'm hopeless..T.T
" Ppl may hate me for some reasons and conditions, but the truth is, they hate me bcs of the story they don't even know at all . And dear haters, tell you some secrets, just hate me the way you want, I will pray for you right here with a hope that someday, you could really understand my conditions and stop hating me. Thanks for hating me, I love you haters. "
Will come back later readers...
With tears and bitter smile,