I couldn't sleep well last night bcs of stupid nightmares. I woke up thrice and I now I am sleepy like crazy. I really never expect those nightmares. They just made my condition and mood even worse. sighh. Some reviews of my dreams. My first dream was about I got a bbm from someone which said that " I'm falling down from the stairs, help!" and it successfully woke me up at 1am in the morning. I was shocked and straightly checked my bbm. Of course there was no bbm like that, just dream. Stupid me.
I continued my sleep and again, I got another weird dream which woke me up at 3am. Actually this dream wasn't too far from the reality. Like flashback. I was on a car, with someone. Laughing, playing, chatting and....hmph, just skip. I hate why I should be given this dream. I feel sorry for myself, for everyone bcs of this. Dark memories. Actually it wasn't dark once and never feel sorry for that. Moreover, I feel happy. But I never imagine that things changed, ppl changed. I regret everything right now, but still, I can't do anything. I hate, really hate this condition. Yes you, you and you you never know how it feels. This is one of the strongest reasons why I still stand till now in STUPID conditions like this. What do you ppl know hah? Nothing. You can just pretend that YOU are right, and I am WRONG. Also, complain, complain, and complain. Did you complain to me before? Never. Never ok. So it's awkward when now you start complaining for what has happened. I just HATE this. And do kindly stop reminding me about this by giving me succha nightmare to me. Enough. Really enough. Don't give this dream to me anm give it to those ppl who feel they are right and great. I'm so done with this, God. Really.
I hardly fall asleep, very hard. But dream fairy was examining me again I guess. This time, my dream was about I got lotta sentences given by someone since some years ago. Very clear played in my dreams. I told myself "wake up, wake up, enough, STOP this" for so many times. But I wasn't allowed to wake up. The sentences kept going, moving circling on my head, till the last two words I heard about was "......my parents" and I woke up. You are messing up with me, fairy. Serious. I won't talk too much about this. Ppl who understand, will know what I mean. For you who understand this, let me tell you. I am honestly sick with this stupid reason. You shouldn't come if you were still considering about this once. Shouldn't. You should have listened to me and them once. The fact is, you didn't. So, don't blame me for everything and don't run from the reality. Please think wisely and logically. Don't act like a coward. I still hope you aren't.
I continued my sleep till 8.11am. I really have no idea how my day today will be. I have started my day with horrible conditions. Why, really why. hmphh. Stupid fucking dreams. I have to treat ppl well and I have to survive in this conditions. I had un-normal but pretty happy life once. Now, I have un-normal and unhappy life. So, this is what you say good ppl? Readers, I will probably die soon or later. Sigh.
" You never know how is the feeling of you want to climb a mountain and reach the top, but your conditions and ppl keep dragging you down and down. You can't move on, but you can't give up either, unless you will fall down and they will laugh at you ."
You ppl give me enough pressures and difficulties. Sometimes, please stop thinking about your wants and needs. I have mine too. I don't want and won't stay forever like this. If my goodness and understanding aren't appreciated, then I'll try something different. So, please understand.
Gg to have my showah and breakfast. Bless my day, God. Bless my family, friends, lovers, and haters. Rise and shine, ppl! :)
With sigh and smile,
Veronica
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