UNDERSTANDING

Hello, it is raining heavily right here and it makes conditions even worse. I don't know what to do instead of crying, and I don't believe I'm still crying when I typed this. Everyone seems so cruel to me these days. Mom, dad, you, another you, or anyone, though sometimes I look strong in front of you, that doesn't mean I'm that strong. Though sometimes, I just do everything you tell me to do, this or that, doesn't mean I'm happy with that. Though I'm the eldest child in this family, doesn't mean I have to do anything. When sometimes I lost my mood and don't speak even a word, please don't complain. That time, I'm trying to solve my problems MYSELF, and bottle up my mood so I can put a smile when I'm standing inf ront of you. And people, please stop yelling at me. I really hate this. I know sometimes you people don't mean to do so, but loudly tuned voice could mess my mood and I will cry behind you. I hate noises, you must know that. I'm just... I.. I'm tired. Really. I try and learn to be a better one for you people, I try to understand, I don't wanna hurt you. I've been trying so hard. Really hard. But why, you people can't understand. Well, tell you, I'm NOT a girl who can act like nothing's happened when actually something does. I'm not a girl who can sit and tell all of my problems to you, I'm not a girl who has best friend(s) to hang out with anywhere for I know, it's really hard to find the real friends. I'm not a girl who can tell nice things to or about you just because I want sth from you. I'm not a girl who prefers spending my time in front of computer just to chat anything on MSN. I'm not a girl who will just keep quiet when you people blame me for no reasons. I'm not a girl who cares what people say about me as long as I did nothing wrong to them. I'm not a girl who prefers spending my money for no reasons, don't think that I'm a good money-spender when I shopped, you don't even know whose money I'm using. I'm also not a girl who will buy sth for my bf with my parents' money. That's so not me. I'm not a girl who will hate you forever when you did sth bad to me. I forgive, but talk less to you. I'm not a girl who will ask for sth you can't do for me. It's different if you can do, but you don't put any efforts to do so. I'm selfish, I'm sensitive, but I never mean to hurt people. I talk roughly when I'm angry, but what comes out from my mouth sometimes are the truth; most of them.

I'm just a girl, who needs a little understanding from all of you. Sometimes I can't directly tell you what I want for I put a little hope, you can find out what I want, yourselves, and I just hate people who will just give me lotta reasons and think what they did were right. And sometimes, I hate you for you can do everything, sacrifice anything, your time, lots of your time for others when you always have tons of reasons if I'm the one who asked you to. Sigh.

So, people, I ask for nothing, just PLEASE, understand...

XoXo,

Veronica Lim